Great and Confusing

Ah life, you are great and confusing. I suppose the great and confusing parts are two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other, as much as I would like it that way sometimes.

The greatness is found in love and Love, and relationships and Relationship.

And now that I think of it, the confusion is found in love and relationships mostly as well.

What am I trying to say?  I guess life will always be great and confusing.  To remove the confusion would also remove the greatness.  So deal with it.

Going back to this idea of a great life, an abundant life, it is found in Jesus.  He is the Relationship and the Love I am talking about.  All other things in life are merely a copy of the original.  We seek out relationships and love with each other on this planet, but even the best of these are just a taste of the Real thing.  Sometimes people seek so desperately for these things because they are trying to fill the Love and Relationship gap with love and relationships.  It makes me sad.  There is a yearning for more in all of us.  A thirst that can only be quenched by living water.  Too often we drink a cheap substitute instead.  I know I have.

I am in an interesting place though.  I have grasped the truth of Love and Relationship.  I am growing closer to Jesus.  I am sipping this Living Water, slowly, cautiously.  Now the urge for relationship, and love I suppose, is bubbling to the surface.  I am yearning for deeper relationships.  I believe it is a God given desire.  We are created to relate.  I can't deny that.  I just don't know how to proceed.  C&C is great but it is big, and spending a couple minutes with many people once or even twice a week doesn't feel substantial enough to develop the type of relationship I am longing for.  I need more.  (I realize I am different than others and I do know people that thrive off constant relating to many different people.)  So, I am seeking again.  I am looking for a small group that meets regularly.  A place to know others and be known.  A place to experience more greatness and confusion I suppose.  I believe this is a God given desire and so I will look for ways to satisfy it.  Yesterday I took a step in that direction, and it was just a little bit scary.  I am stepping into the unknown for the second or third time in the last few months.  Each step before has lead to something good and so I trust God that this will too.

And yet, I still have that thought in the back of my head.  A grain of longing of which I don't know what to do.  A desire who's origins are a mystery to me.  Is it God?  Is it me?  I'm not sure.  So, as always, I will trust in the Lord, and delight myself in Him, and He will grant me the desires of my heart, whatever they may end up being.

Life feels a little more confusing right now than before.  I suppose that means life will soon feel a little greater too.