Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Weekend

I took a few punches this weekend. I also dished them out. A few rough and tumbles too. I have a new collection of bruises. My body is sore and my brain is tired. All in all, it was a good weekend.

I just got back from a youth retreat and it was awesome. Working with youth gives me so much energy. I know that doesn't quite make sense, especially to people who don't really enjoy hanging around with a bunch of teens and preteens, but that's how I work. And all that rough stuff I mentioned up top, that was all part of the fun and games. There's no reason to be concerned.

I've thought a lot about God's will in my life over the past year. What does God want me to do? I can't say I have a specific ten point list but I am reasonably sure of some things. One of those things is that I am supposed to work with youth. It is such a part of who I am, I wouldn't be me if I didn't. That's how I know (or maybe why I believe) that I am to work with youth. I trust that God has given me a desire. I trust that fulfilling that desire is God's will. It's that simple. I used to make it more complicated than that but sometimes the simple answer is the right answer.

And so, I am back home, tired and sore, but good.

I pray that somehow, despite my own insecurities and shortcomings, the youth I spent the weekend with are better off and closer to God because of the divine appointment this weekend. I pray that they know love and acceptance and that the friendships we all had before this weekend just got a little stronger, and a little deeper.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

My Best Friend's Wedding

Friendship, and all relationships for that matter, are a mystery to me. I have tried to sit down and analyze all their components, trying to understand how they work and how to create them. I have concluded they are magic. There doesn't seem to be a lot of rhyme or reason to them. Why do some people hit it off despite their differences and others not connect despite their similarities? Why do some people choose to spend the rest of their life with someone else? Magic.

My best friend got married two weeks ago.

Our story is a strange story and I don't want to say too much because, like most things on this blog, to discuss any aspect of my life in detail is to discuss aspects from other people's lives as well, and I don't want to reveal something someone doesn't want revealed. Having said all that, there never were two people more opposite than AH and I. How we became friends is really weird and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else trying to make friends. We got into a huge argument. We were in our teens at the time. Now, I'm not the arguing type of guy so how all this happened is a mystery to me. However, our fight was big enough that our parents heard about it. They forced us to get together and apologize to each other. We met up at a Tim Horton's on our own and our quick three minute apology turned into a three hour conversation. It was the first time I had ever really shared with a person. I can't remember all that was said but I knew that there was something different about this conversation. I didn't just stick to the usual social niceties, small talk, a few facts and jokes and then go on my merry way. I actually shared a little piece of me, for the first time in my life. And I wasn't rejected (which was my biggest fear most of my life). And AH shared with me too. This was a milestone in my life. I can't describe how foundational and life altering this moment was for me. Like any INTJ, I went home and analyzed what just happened. I think I just made a friend. Up until this point I can't say that I had ever had any real friends. I know I called people friends but they were really just acquaintances. AH was my first friend. It was a strange experience for me because up until this point what I thought were friendships were very shallow interactions. My relationships had no real depth whatsoever. My life changed that day as I came to understand there was more to real relationships than what I had experienced my entire life. My paradigm shifted. I woke up in the matrix and realized that what I thought I knew wasn't reality after all. It is a little disheartening to realize that your entire life up until that point was a mere fraction of what it could have been. Anyway, I have a lot more to say about friendships in an upcoming post so I'll leave it there for now.

AH is now married. I'm trying to understand what this means for me. You see, AH is a female. I guess AH is now AW. Anyway, all the things that we used to do seem more like a husband kind of thing now. Maybe I should explain what I mean before your mind wanders. First, AH and I were never romantically involved, ever. I just need to clarify that. I know my parents read this occasionally and I'm sure they had their suspicions. AH and I would get together all the time just to talk. We would share our thoughts and feelings and ideas and hopes and fears and all that friendship kind of stuff. As we grew older we even went on vacation with each other, sharing hotel rooms and what not. But now that AH is AW I wonder what our friendship will look like. We can't really go on vacation alone together anymore. I don't know if we can just get together and talk like we used to either. I know if I was married I would be extremely jealous of this kind of relationship someone else was having with my wife. I'm pretty sure we won't be sleeping over at each other's anymore either. I think it feels like I have been partly replaced. I just realized that at this very moment. I don't have a lot a friends, at least not this level of friendship. Relationships are a precious and rare thing for me. They are not a dime a dozen. I'm feeling unsure at the moment. I want to continue to grow the relationships I have now, not to replace AW, but to add to my life what has been missing for so long. I think I'm concerned that I will never have another friendship as deep as the one I had/have with AW.

Friday, January 6, 2012

My Prayer

This has been my prayer lately.
Coincidentally, I'm going to go see Third Day later this month.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


I don't really make New Year's Resolutions. However, last year I did make a New Year's Resolution to quit procrastinating. It didn't go so well. I suppose the fact I didn't make my resolution until May was an ominous sign of things to come.

Anyhoo, this year I do have a few minor goals I want to achieve. I don't want to call them resolutions because I think I'd just be setting myself up for a repeat of last year. They are:

-Stop Procrastinating (So nice I resolved to do it twice)
-Run 10km every day
-Reduce my time online
-Read my bible daily
-Sleep more
-Play guitar more
-Play video games less
-Get my scuba rating
-Get my motorbike licence

I'll get to work on that, next week. I know, I know...

Sunday, January 1, 2012


Today is the first day of the rest of my life. So is tomorrow. And the day after that. I guess there's nothing too significant about today's date but it does offer a chance for a symbolic clean slate.  Old things are passed away, all things have become new.

I'm in a really good mood at the moment. Maybe it's because of this mental reset the new year offers, maybe it's because the sun is out, the sky is blue, and the Saskatchewan Winter has yet to arrive. Whatever it is, I'm feeling optimistic about what the future has to offer. Just based on the last year and a half, my life has been getting better and better in all areas, and there's no reason to think this trend is going to change in 2012.

You know what this means? Happy rant.

First, the weather is amazing. I wouldn't mind a little more snow for snowboarding, but seeing as the slopes can make their own snow, I'm happy. I haven't had to brave any -30 degree days with an additional insane wind chill so I can't complain. And today is just so amazing. I'm going to go for a walk. I haven't taken a casual stroll in a while.

The days are getting longer. Winter Solstice is my favourite day (Dec 21st) because every day after that for the next 6 months has more day light than the one previous. How awesome is that? And I live in the place that has more hours of sunlight than anywhere else in Canada. No seasonal affective disorder for me.

I get one more week of vacation this year than last year. While I'm not a big fan of travelling, because I travel for work all the time, the idea of going to Australia and New Zealand in the fall is taking shape. I'm planning on getting my scuba rating and diving the Great Barrier Reef. One less thing on the 'ole bucket list.

I'm not going to make any specific New Year's resolutions but I do have some things I want to continue to work on. First, I want to continue to develop real relationships with people I know and people I may meet in the upcoming year. Second, I want to restart my training regimen and give the Iron Man Canada a shot in September. Third, I want to get my scuba rating and my motor bike licence. Fouth, I want to continue to allow God to permeate all areas of my life, more so. These seem like realistic goals.

I'm still not an upfront, in the spotlight, center of attention kind of guy, but I won't shun those situations either if they offer themselves to me. Last night at a New Year's party there was a chance for me to play guitar for worship, which I temporarily avoided, but realized afterward that it is not the end of the world to stand out briefly. This may open new doors for me in the upcoming year, now that I have decided not to run away from those situations.

And finally, work. Work is a mixed blessing. I have a job I really, really like. It pays well and I am in a position some people wait for their entire career and never achieve. However, work has also been my biggest frustration this last year. While I like what I do, I wish I didn't have to do it so much. Scheduling has interfered with my life outside of work so often I started wondering if there is some other career out there that would allow me to live a normal life. Last year it seemed as though I was free every Thursday for C&C. This year it feels like I can't even buy a Thursday night off. I feel like a stranger when I come to C&C because I'm only there once a month, maybe, while everyone else there is much more regularly and growing their relationships. As well, I barely get to be involved in youth group for the same reason. Even when I think I can plan on something after work, my schedule changes. This has happened at least twice in the last few months where something important to me was overruled by work. Frustrating. Hmmmm, I didn't mean to end my happy rant with a complaint, so I'll end by saying I think scheduling will be better this year than last.

Ok, time to go for a walk on this beautiful day.

Bring on the year of optimism.

Proverbs X

Of time and money, time is the one you can't increase.