Friday, June 29, 2012


A relationship has ended.
I will never regret our time together.

It feels horrible ending something so amazing, not because things weren't working out, but because they were working so well that the possibility of us being together for the rest of our lives was very very real.

I am scared I will never find another person like her. There are very few people in my life I have ever felt comfortable enough with to allow to get so close. I know I say that in the midst of heartache but it is true. I have never found someone who makes me laugh and understands my sense of humour like she did. I have never felt the urge to sit under the stars and hold someone like I did with her. I have never related so easily and freely as I have with her. I have never cared for someone the way I cared for her.

She made me want to be a better person, for myself and for her. Her influence in my life has lead me to seek God more, to pursue deeper family relationships, to live a healthier lifestyle.

I wrote her a poem a few days ago. I was going to give it to her tonight. It's one of my trademark "awesome and quirky" lyrical endeavours. The final line says, "You are my sunset, because my day fades with you not in it."


The truth of that line is hitting me pretty hard at the moment.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Baptisms, etc...

Dear Diary,

It has been a busy week or two. My time has been filled by work, church, C&C, dates, social gatherings, my birthday, small group, youth group, my other job, and my own thoughts. I am tired. I could feel it creeping up on me this weekend. Hopefully I will have a little "me" time tomorrow as I have the day off. I need some God time and some reading time. And maybe a little bike riding time too.

Yesterday I attended a baptismal service at a community pool. It was really moving. I teared up a few times. Some of my youth group kids were baptized. It was great to hear them publicly share their faith and their stories. It was great gathering together with other Christians in nature and worshiping and sharing testimonies.

Last week was also kind of sad for me. Some of my kids are moving into the high school youth group and so I won't see them nearly as much. I can already feel myself missing them. I'm not good with these feelings. I'm never quite sure how to process them. I could feel a heaviness as we had our last official youth group event last week. I suppose it's a natural and even joyful change but I'm still a little sad as people move on.

Next week is VBS. I have been looking forward to this all year. I am on the story team this year. Skits, plays, narrations, and all that good stuff. I'm excited. Unfortunately work is forcing me to miss the final day because I will be out of town, but I am still excited for the time I will have.

And relationships continue to amaze and confound me. But it's all good. I'm still excited for the possibilities and the certainties. I have three invitations by three different individuals to meet up for coffee this week. I don't know if I'll be able to fit everyone in. It's difficult being this popular ;)

I am definitely becoming more intentional and focused in my spiritual life. I never used to like sticking to a schedule for reading my bible or spending time with God because I always thought a schedule would regiment the life right out of my relationship. I don't think that's the case anymore. If I have an incredibly early day I am now scheduling God time in the evening. If I have a late night I will schedule God time in the morning. This way I will not let work interfere with the most important thing in life. My relationship with my creator. Let's see how this unfolds.

If you are in a praying mood, this is mostly what I have been praying the last week or so. Please feel free to pray for me if you get a chance.

Lord, thank You for everything you have given me. I am grateful.
I ask that You would help me continue growing closer to You. Help me be a man after Your own heart. Please help me spend time with You regularly. Please motivate me to read my bible as my schedule allows. Please help me reflect You to those around me and encourage them in their relationship with You too.
Thank you for the youth that have come into my life in the last year. Please bless them as they move into high school and help them stay strong in their faith. I pray that I was a blessing in their lives. Thank You for the new kids that will come into my life in the Fall.
Lord, VBS is coming up quickly. Please help us share Your love with all the kids that attend. I ask that You will give all the organizers and volunteers strength, energy, wisdom and sleep next week.
Thank You for relationships. Lord, I ask that You will continue to teach me how to be a friend to others. And how to be a boyfriend to one person in particular. Thank You for special relationships. I ask that You help us continue to grow and share and have fun. Help me not to second guess everything. Help me be a strength and a comfort and a friend to her.
Thank You for everything.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Meet Your Maker

A song I heard at a fundraiser for a missions trip tonight.
I liked it.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

On Having A Girlfriend

...It's pretty great!

And I want to be clear with what I say next. I'm not happy because I have a girlfriend. I suppose if I had wanted to merely have a girlfriend in the past I could have had one. I am happy because a particular person is my girlfriend. I am happy because I am a specific someone's boyfriend.


I am still figuring a lot of things out. For instance, I'm not really sure what I should be saying about it online so this will be brief. I've decided I don't want to say anything on here involving us that she hasn't heard from me first. Also, I don't want to say anything here that's confidential. And I'm still trying to figure out which is which.

So, I'll focus on me. I'm pretty lucky. There are a lot of things I'm learning about myself as I dare to share myself with someone else. Things I didn't even know were a part of me because I have never had the opportunity to discover them in this situation. For instance, I like writing quirky poems. I like looking into her eyes and not having to glance away if she catches me. I like dancing (with her). I find myself putting effort into certain things I probably wouldn't have before, just because she's on my mind. I'm learning how my feelings and emotions surface in different situations. It still blows me away that someone so amazing could like average me, despite all my idiosyncrasies and the stupid things I do. I could go on and on but I'd only get so mushy and super cute I'd be disgusted with myself.

I'll end by saying I am still learning what having a girlfriend means. I am still learning what being a boyfriend entails. I am a slow learner. But she seems to be ok with that.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Roller Coaster

This week has been draining.

Work was too busy. I ended up away from home for 3 days. That was annoying.
And in between all the business I was on an emotional roller coaster. I think I've gone through every emotion on the emotional spectrum. I am so tired.

There are so many things I want to share on this space but I can't because they involve other people.
There are so many thoughts in my head that will have to stay there a little while longer.

I think I'll end by saying:

"Lord please help me to know what is best and right for me. Please guide me in the big decisions in my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."