Sunday, December 29, 2013

Relationship Musings

I've heard it said many times before, and I never thought I would be the one saying it, but it seems like everyone I know is getting married or having babies.

This holiday season alone many of my friends, family, and acquaintances have gotten engaged or had babies, or announced they are going to be having a baby. It's like it all happened out of the blue.

To any of my regular readers it's no surprise that I do not keep or create relationships very easily. I am an introvert and relationships seem to run against the grain of who I am, and yet I do crave companionship. I'm not talking about romantic relationships solely, but friendships in general. I am always amazed when I see new relationships form and grow and develop. Different lives combine and part and start over again like a dance. Most days I feel like I'm just a wall flower at that dance. It is a mystery to me. What I wanted to write about is a series of short thoughts on those mysteries I want to understand better. The following are a random collection of stories and thoughts that illustrate my understanding, or lack there of, and experiences with relationships.

Back in the day, at bible college, a friend of mine got engaged. About a quarter of the student body got engaged to another quarter of the student body. They don't call it bridal college for nothing. Anyway, my friend was sincere and his fiance was great. She was one of three females I hung out with at school and felt comfortable around. After school ended they travelled to each other's home cities and spent some time with each other's families. Normal stuff I suppose. A couple days after she left for home, my friend asked me my opinion of their relationship. As an INTJ (Myers-Briggs personality) or someone who hadn't learned to refine his social skills too much at that point, I told him what I thought without much filtering. I told him I didn't think they worked well together. I thought they were too intellectually different to have a meaningful discussion on anything of importance. He was smart, she wasn't. I told him I didn't think it would last. Ultimately he broke it off. He told me later he agreed with me. A decade later and he's still not married. She is, with two kids. I sometimes wonder if I may have cost him an opportunity that has not returned since.

I have a friend who seems to be with a different girl every couple months. I don't know how that's even possible. Of course I have a friend who seemed to be with a different guy every two months for almost 10 years and now she's married with a baby and another one on the way. I have a cousin who dated one girl in Junior High and High School and ended up marrying her. They've been together for 25 years, married for 20 and have a gaggle of kids.

I know a woman who was going out with a man. I don't know how the relationship began, I just know that one day, there it was. A couple months later it was gone. I don't know how that happened either. Shortly after the dissolution they both started expressing interest in different people. A couple months after that they were back together again as though nothing happened. I don't understand.

I rented a room to the boyfriend of a girl who was helping with youth group in the Spring. Six months later they were engaged, to other people, on the same day. I don't understand.

I know a guy who I've worked with for a couple years now who had everything I want. He's a guy who seemed to have an idyllic marriage and a couple kids. And he's crossed a line that could destroy his relationship with his family. That has really shocked me. It's probably the reason I started writing this post. I don't understand.

Saturday, November 23, 2013


I went to the Christmas party. I was one of the last to arrive. I was one of the first to leave. 400+ people. I just wanted to get out. I skipped the "cocktails". I arrived in time for the meal and left right before the dancing. I don't understand it. I don't understand why anyone would want to get up in front of people and dance. I think I have some weird phobia. The moment people started dancing I wanted to leave.

I feel stuck. I've always hated these kind of parties. My whole life. I've been trying to work on it. I've tried to like them. I've tried to like dancing. I've tried to learn to dance. And yet, every time I'm at one of these things I want to escape. I want to leave. I want to go home and read a book or watch a movie or play guitar. I feel broken. I feel stuck in an old pattern and, despite all my effort, I can't change it. It frustrates me to see all these people doing what I hate and having fun. Why do they get to have fun and I don't? It just makes me feel broken and alone. That's why I avoid these things in the first place. Something's not right, but I don't know what it is and I don't know how to fix it.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Christmas Tree

Growing up, we had a tradition in our house. I don't know if my family ever thought it was a tradition, but we did it every year since I was 5 or 6. When it snowed enough that it felt like Christmas, Dad would bring up the old, wire framed, six foot tall, spindly, fake tree and we'd decorate it. Dad would put the lights on it but my brother and I got to do the rest. Mom would carefully unpack the glass ornaments. And someone would usually break at least one of them.

Shortly after I turned 13 my grandma got sick. My mom was away for almost six weeks, off and on, caring for her mom, and dad was away working. A friend of the family watched my brother and I for that time. One day it snowed. And our parents weren't there. Our Christmas tree tradition was in danger of not happening that year. It didn't feel right to me. So, after school one day, I dragged the tree up from the basement. I had never assembled it before, but I had seen dad do it enough to figure it out. I put the tree together and my brother and I decorated it by ourselves. And it was Christmas time. That became a new tradition.

The following year, as Christmas started approaching, I knew we were getting close to tree time. One day after school, before mom and dad got home, I dragged the tree up from the basement again and my brother and I decorated it. It was a surprise for mom and dad. They got a ready made tree without any of the work. I'm not sure if they actually like decorating the tree or not. And every year after that, until we grew up, that was our tradition. My brother and I would decorate the tree when my parents were out and surprise them.

It's been many years since I've had a Christmas tree, real or fake. I bought 300 feet lights many years ago, just in case I ever had a tree to put them on. Well, tonight I bought a Christmas tree. It was everything I imagined a Christmas tree should be. I don't know if I'll incorporate this into a new tradition, but I do know that by tomorrow night it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Christmas Party

I feel like saying something tonight.

I'm not sure why. I'm tired. Peopled out. It's been a long week. Usually I don't choose to be around people in my spare time. I will make an effort for an event or something, but I rarely say to my self after a long day at work, "I want to hang out with..." It's more like I want to read up on some topics that interest me, watch AFV and go to bed. It's rare to come across a person I actually feel re-energized after being around. Don't take that as an insult. It's not you, it's me.

Tonight I felt like being with someone. No one in particular. But there's no one around. I started thinking about my next big "people" event. My company's Christmas party next weekend. I don't want to go. I'm kind of dreading it. There's a lot of people. Some are my direct employees. Some are my direct superiors. And the whole thing is a banquet and dance. I'd go for the banquet, but why do they have to dance? Why do I hate dances so much? Someone once told me if I knew how to dance maybe then I'd like dancing. That may be true. I don't know. I'm not there yet. Whatever. Either way, I don't want to go to this party. I have been to a few Christmas parties with C&C the last few years, but that took a lot of effort for me and I was usually glad when it was all over. They only remind me of how solitary I am and how I wish I wasn't this way.

I have skipped the last 7 company Christmas parties I have been invited to. I usually volunteered to work those nights. It was an easier excuse than saying, "I don't actually want to spend my free time hanging out with you." It was funny to me because my co-workers would usually thank me for being the sacrificial worker on their behalf so they could go to the party. In reality, I was glad they were going to the party so I could work and avoid the party. And yet, there's a piece of me that wishes I want to be there. There's a piece of me that wishes I could be like everyone else there.

And so tomorrow is the deadline to decide if I'm going or not. It's on a Saturday. There's no excuse left for me now. As management I'm expected to be there. It would look bad if my whole division is there and I'm not. Last year I had to endure our company website backed by a slide show of all the attendees' photos taken at the door. I heard the comments from everyone in our planning room about how much fun they all had, and how great all the pictures were. I had to listen to the slight insults of our IT student who was the only one who showed up without a "plus 1". Stereotypical techie.

I have 24 hours to decide. If I did what I felt like, I would not go. But I think part of being a man is not simply doing what I feel like, but doing what must be done, regardless of how I feel. I can't really say I must go to this party, but I know it's expected. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing. If I don't go I'm going to be asked by so many people why I won't be there. And my only answer, genuinely, is because I don't want to go. I wish I did.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Sing Like You Used To, Dance When You Want To

I've been missing music in my life lately.
Time to wake up from my slumber, open up my eyes.
I haven't touched my guitar in over a year.
I haven't really sat down and enjoyed music much lately.

I'm taking a little time out tonight to change that.


Sunday, October 27, 2013


Six years ago I decided to run a marathon. I had no experience long distance running and really didn't have any experience with physical activity for 10 years at that point. But I decided I was going to do it and that was that.

Every night I'd go to bed at 8pm and every morning I'd wake up at 4am. By 5am I was in the gym running on the treadmills. Fortunately, my work schedule allowed for the routine, but still, I had discipline. When I decided I was going to run this race I decided that I was going to do what ever it took to make it happen.

I can't say I've approached many other tasks in life with that same discipline as I did that marathon. I wish I did. I know I have the capacity to excel at almost everything I put my mind to. I think its time to think big again.

Next year I am going complete the Iron Man. I'm not exceptional. I'm just disciplined.

But that's not really thinking big. I've got bigger things in mind still. I need to be disciplined if they are ever going to happen. And confident. And committed. And maybe a little help from God too. But I can be disciplined in my prayer life as well.

I haven't been disciplined for quite some time. I think self control is part of being a man. I need to assert my self discipline. I'm still working on the whole "being a man" thing. I think this is part of it. Or the beginning of it. Good bye procrastination. Hello discipline.

God, Please help me.

The Drought Ends

I wrote in my journal last night.
The first time in 67 days.
Something happened last night that I felt compelled to record.
I still don't know if it was good or bad. Mostly a blur. I've relived it over and over again in my head a million times and I still don't know. It involves the area of my life I am weakest in. Think Sheldon Cooper on a date and you're in the ballpark.

I wish I could write more in this space but I don't know what to say except I don't understand social customs and don't pick up social cues easily. This creates a lot of frustration and confusion in my life. Friday night was very confusing for me.

And now I need to go pray and process what exactly just happened.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Saturday, September 14, 2013

The Journal

When I was 18 a friend bought me a journal for Christmas. I didn't really know what to do with it. Journal in it I guess. I wasn't a journaller. I didn't keep a diary, outside a few school assignments when I was 13 and 16, but I had to hand those in to my teacher. So, I started writing in my journal. I wasn't really sure what to write about. Stuff, I suppose.

It started out mostly about the daily events happening in my life. That got boring. Eventually I started writing my thoughts about those events. I started writing about what things meant and why I thought people did or said the things I wrote about. And then I started writing about my thoughts, separate from the events in my life. And almost daily I wrote in my journal. I became obsessive. Sometimes I would write 5 or more entries a day. Even if I went away on vacation I would bring it along. I would rarely go for longer than a week without writing in it, and that was only if I was physically separated from my journal. I documented everything. If something happened in my life that I wanted to share, I didn't share it with my family or friends. I wrote it in my journal. It almost became like a confident to me.

I haven't written in my journal for over a month now. I've been busy, but that's never stopped me before.

I wonder what this means.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Dropping Truth Bombs on the Fortress of Pretty Little Lies

A while ago I posted some dialogue from the movie The Matrix.

Here's a couple of videos to bring you up to speed.

The Red Pill and the Blue Pill represent reality and fantasy respectively.
Or maybe it's more accurate to say reality and un-reality.

I don't believe that the world we live in is a computer simulation like in The Matrix, but I do believe how we perceive the world can create false realities just like the Matrix. It's been said that perception is reality. The truth however, is that perception is a viewpoint of reality. Reality is truth. Our perceptions can shade the truth, selectively  see part of the truth or ignore the truth completely. Two different people can see reality and walk away with completely ideas of what they just saw. And to each of them that was the truth. That is the power of perception.

Morpheus offered Neo a choice. The Blue Pill would allow him to see reality with the same perception he always had. That Perception was blind to the truth, but the un-reality that Neo knew was the only truth Neo knew. The Red Pill would allow him to see reality as it actually was. No tricks of perception. No philosophies, ideologies, pre-conceived ideas, biases or omissions. Just unfiltered truth.

Have you ever had a sense that something you "knew" wasn't quite right? I have. What if what you thought you knew was completely wrong? About 8 months ago I stumbled on to something that I didn't believe was reality. My perception was challenged. Everything I thought I knew about something was wrong. I was living in the Matrix. I was living in an unreality created by my perception. At first I couldn't accept what I was hearing and seeing. I had heard people talk about these ideas before, derisively. They would only mention them to knock them down or point out how wrong they were. And yet, there was something in those ideas that seemed to reflect reality. It was like I knew it was the truth, but I chose to believe the lie my perception presented, even when I suspected it was a lie. However, eight months ago, I I took the red pill. I discovered the reality that had been hidden from me my whole life. I had believed a lie propagated by virtually everyone in my life, and yet I could sense it wasn't right. (I even suspect some of them doubt the "truth" they were peddling, but wanted it to be the truth so badly they chose to ignore reality. They chose the blue pill.)

It's not that the Matrix is a bad thing. In some ways its un-reality was better than the real thing. The only strike against it, was that it wasn't the truth. The Matrix I have escaped from wasn't bad. It could be quite good if you are willing to be a slave to its lie. But the truth, however more harsh, is more real and offers more satisfaction and opportunity as well as more pain and suffering. Some people discover the truth and decide to go back to the Matrix because they like it more, even though its not real and they know it. I can understand the reason for those people's decision, but I can't accept a lie substituted for the truth any more.

Looking back on it now, I can see reality screaming at me, "Wake up! You are in the Matrix!" It's only after I've escaped do I understand everything I heard and sensed at the time. Living in the Matrix, those truths were changed to fit the lie instead of the other way around. Now that I know the truth it all makes sense.

I know I've said a lot without really saying anything. There has been a common idea floating through many of my blog posts the last 8 months or so. This post is the first of many trying to explain what I have discovered. There will be more.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

"That's The Way It's Supposed To Be" or "That's The Way It's Always Been"

The family was gathered for Easter dinner. The youngest newly married daughter was preparing her first family dinner. As she was about to put the large ham in the oven to begin baking, her mother stopped her and said "You have to cut three inches off the ham before you bake it." 

Puzzled, the daughter asked her mother why? 

"Because that's the way my mother taught me to do it," said the mother. 

Still puzzled, the daughter went to find her grandmother. 

"Nana," she asked, "Mom says you have to cut 3 inches off of the ham before putting it in the oven to bake. Why?" 

"Well, that's how my mother taught me to do it, and it's the way I've always done it," replied the grandmother. 

Well, the daughter's husband had heard all of this and he wanted to get to the bottom of the mystery. He went into the living room where the family was gathered around great grandmother. 

"Nona," he asked, "Grandma says you taught her to cut 3 inches off of the ham before putting it in the over. I'm puzzled. Why is that necessary?" 

"Well, dear, when I was a new bride, just starting out, I baked my first ham for Easter dinner. The ham was 18 inches long. The largest roasting pan I had was 15 inches long, so I had to cut three inches off of the ham to make it fit the pan."

Monday, August 12, 2013

Not To Brag...

...But here's an email I received from one of my employees today.

You rock.

Thanks boss!

See you tomorrow.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Little Decisions

It's the little things that make life worth living.

Do you know what makes me happiest?
Long bike rides. Short walks. Cold ice cream on hot days. Playing with little kids. Watching a sunset from a deck while drinking ice tea. Snowboarding. Swimming. Exercising. Free time. Getting adequate sleep. Having nothing pressing that needs to be done.

There's nothing really big or expensive or difficult about any of those things (excluding an snowboarding vacation to Colorado). My life would be amazingly satisfactory with all those little things. Now, I don't want to limit myself to merely satisfactory, but all things considered, if satisfactory is where my life ends up, I'm ok with that. And its just the little decisions that lead to these tiny outbreaks of happiness. Going for a walk. Not expensive. Not difficult. Not really time consuming. All it takes is a little decision and, voila, life is good.

I've been caught up on the big decisions lately, at the expense of the little decisions. Both have their place, but I've focussed on one set to the neglect of the other. I've also allowed some of the big decisions interfere with some of the little decisions, at the expense of my happiness. I'm going to change that in the near future.

-Not all big decisions are negative and not all small decisions are positive. I know that. I've just been focussing on the wrong types of each lately.
-Happiness, in and of itself, is hollow. Making decisions solely for the benefit of my happiness is like trying to live off cotton candy the rest of your life. It's not as good as you may think.

Here's some of my little decisions.

I will never ever sacrifice all my free time for the sake of people, places and things. As an introvert it absolutely saps me of all my energy and renders my ability to derive happiness from those things void.

I will go to bed earlier. (Probably the easiest thing on the list.)

I will swim more regularly.

I will exercise more regularly.

I will only play in one sports league at a time, if at all.

If I decided to undertake major renovations, I will contract the whole thing out.

In the battle between free time and money, free time wins 99% of the time.

I will ride my bike more regularly.

I will not procrastinate. (This one is so hard for me)

I will read more.

I will pray more.

I will sit and do nothing more.

I will learn to dance. (Conquering my fears one at a time)

I will spend more time with God.

I will have at least one night a week free from all commitments (starting in the Fall when I finish up some of my other commitments)

That's probably good enough for now. As I accomplish those things I'll add new goals to the list.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Big Decisions

I've got some big decisions coming up in the next few weeks.

My career is headed down 2 different directions at the moment. It's been a wild ride, but I have to make a decision which direction I want to go very soon. Both have advantages and disadvantages. One pays better. One offers a better schedule, mostly. Both may lead to promotions and increased pay, increased scheduling benefits, and a fulfilling career, but they are very different from each other.

For me, either job would be fulfilling. They are both challenging and productive. They make use of my skills and abilities. I feel like I am accomplishing something in both roles. And both sides of the company I work for are pulling for me to go their direction.

What is the deciding factor?
My family.
The family I don't actually have yet.

One job allows me to have a schedule so unchanging I will always be there for my family. I'd be free on weekends, on holidays, for birthdays, anniversaries, little league, special events, etc... The other gives me quite a bit of time off too, but not nearly so scheduled. Nothing that I could bank on. And it is prone to changing the day before. I don't want that for my family. I don't want to break my promises because "work" has changed its mind. I've made a lot of decisions the last 3 years to set my self up to be a husband and a father. A lot of those decisions involved choosing to earn less money so that I could be available to my wife and kids. The sad thing is, those things seem like a lifetime of impossibilities away right now. I'm putting myself in position for a position I may never have. And that's where the doubt and second guessing come in. Maybe I should choose what's behind door number 2 instead. Forget about the possibility of having a family some day, go earn as much money as possible and seek out the craziest adventures I can find. I do have that option. And yet, I'm hoping and praying for something more, and because I have faith, I am choosing something less to make room for some greater.

It is a really tough decision. But I think I always knew what I would decide, even before the options became available to me.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

A Life Well Lived

A guy I went to school with just died yesterday of Cancer. He had been fighting it for over a decade. The majority of the time I knew him he had cancer. People are starting to share their condolences on line and its caused me to stop and think about life and mortality. Actually, I was thinking about those things for a while now, but this death pushed it to the forefront. What do I want to say on the subject? A lot. What I'll actually say won't be so long. My mind is going in a radically different direction than most others are at this time, and I'll only say what I'm going to say because I know that those who might be bothered by it don't know of this space.

Some lives are not well lived.
Some lives are a waste of the potential they possess.

I believe that God can redeem all lives but sometimes death arrives before that life is redeemed.
And I'm not just talking about a spiritual, non-material, eternal redemption.
I'm talking about the here and now.

Rarely do I ever go on some speech or "sermon" or rant that is not aimed at myself first, before making it to any innocent bystanders. This is no exception.

I want to live the life God wants me to live. I haven't quite figured out what that life looks like yet, but I'm constantly trying to seek that out. I'm closer to whatever that may be on a daily basis than if I had never tried to seek God's will for me life. I believe that my inspirations and motivations are divinely influenced because I've given my life to God. As such, seeking out the desires of my heart is also seeking out the desires of God's heart for me. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to desire things and search to fulfil your desires. As long as you are also seeking to live in God's will, the two will line up.

If some lives are not well lived, it only stands to reason that others are.
I want to live a life well lived.
I don't know what that all entails, but I am very certain that I'm not there yet.
There's so much more I want to do and be a part of still. There's so much baggage I want to shed and leave behind. If I were to pass away tomorrow, would I be satisfied with where my life has lead, who my life has touched, and what my life has accomplished? I'm not sure. Probably not.
And that brings me to the question that's been running in the background of my life for almost as long as I can remember. How do I get there? I see other people seeming oblivious to the ebbs and flows of life arrive at the destinations I want to arrive at with no effort whatsoever. Then I look at myself and see huge obstacles and difficulties in my way to achieving what others achieve so easily. It's extremely frustrating. And I tend to be a person that thinks through many scenarios and possibilities and circumstances before making a move which bogs me down in inactivity instead of propelling me to action. Should I just turn off my thinker and engage my doer? That's not the type of person I am, and yet the type of people who are seem to accomplish more than my type simply because they don't even comprehend the obstacles in their way.


What does a life well lived look like?
I know what I think it looks like. I may write a post on that some day.
What does it look like to you? Are you there yet, or even heading in the right direction?

Friday, August 2, 2013

Thursday, August 1, 2013


How is it August already?


Ok. This is post number 300! Celebrate good times, come on. It's a celebration. I had planned to write some epic and memorable post when I hit 300. Of course, there have been about 10 posts over the years that I have actually taken down or deleted, so this is probably closer to 310. Regardless, this is the 300th post to make it online and stay.

Let's see... What should I talk about?

I honestly don't know. I've been so busy with so many things I just felt like writing a post when I found a few moments of peace and quiet.

Oh, I went to Ohio last week. I did some stuff...

I went to a bridge opening. It's as exciting as it sounds.

I went to a play in the park. It was really good. I had a much better than anticipated time.

And I woke up at 4am this morning to go flying.

So, that's my Summer. And it's almost half over. :(

Well, I need to go check some more things off my To Do list.
-Fix Car
-Get rid of old appliances
-Renovate a rental property
-Finish renovating another rental property

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Of Math and Finger Paints

I like math. I understand math. It makes sense. There are rules. If you know the rules you can find the answers.

Relationships on the other hand don't make sense. I get the vague sense there are rules, but they are not easy to discern and there are about a million exceptions to every rule. I just can't seem to figure out the answers, even when I know the questions.

Finger paints are a mess. There are no rules. The only rules are what you make. And the final product isn't a nice clean derivation or set like math produces. The final product is still messy.

Relationships are a lot like finger painting. It's messy when you start. It's messy as you progress. It's messy when you finish. Things can go according to plan or drastically different than you intended and yet the process doesn't necessarily determine the final product. It just doesn't make sense to me.

And yet...

At the end of the day, no one sits back and comprehends the beauty of an algebraic function or admires the process of a geometric proof. It's that messy piece of art that's hanging on the wall. For whatever reason, pleasure is found in the randomness and beauty of colours, shapes, and designs that play by their own rules.

I've had a lot of relationship finger painting sessions the last couple weeks. It's not the way you may think. Any way, I'm exhausted trying to understand all the rules that may not actually exist. I think I need to learn to step back and appreciate the art, and stop asking what it all means.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


I am so busy.

Not counting sleep, I may spend one or two waking hours a day at home. I've got work. Volleyball. Softball. Youth group. Small Group. C&C. Church. Renos. About 10 people I know have decided to move in the last month (3 of them on the weekend) and I've been there to lend a hand. And then there's just the normal day to day things I need to do in between all that. I'm tired. And somehow this has caused me to think about what I really want in life. I've been sitting and thinking lately. As much thinking as I can cram into my "free" time any way. Being introspective. I can't say I've figured it all out, but I've figured out some things simply by crossing other things off the list. Some things I liked. Some things I didn't.

After living up north and never being home I discovered I don't like to be away from home for too long.
After signing up for softball I discovered I don't like being eaten by mosquitoes.
After joining a lot of different groups I've discovered I can make friends.
After renovating a house I've discovered the next one will be built from the ground up.
After growing dreadlocks I discovered prefer my hair short.
After working with youth groups I discovered I have more energy than most people my age and most people their age too.
After losing a lot of sleep I discovered I don't like to be tired.
After keeping my thoughts in a journal and a blog for so long I've discovered sometimes I just need someone to talk to.
After being the upfront guy I discovered I prefer to be the behind the scenes guy.
After being too busy to have time to think I have discovered I don't like to be this busy.

I think God created me to be introverted. I think I was created to be deep, and thinking, and introspective. Somehow I've become so busy I've lost a part of who I am. I can feel it. I've been thinking about the "who I am" I have discovered the last three years. I need me time. I haven't had that in almost a month. And I won't be able to get it again for about a month. I'm learning what is important to me and what isn't and learning to give my time to what is important. I don't think I'm being selfish when I say I think the things that are important to me are important to God because they are important to me. I also think the opposite is true. I think the things that are important to God are important to me because they are important to God.

And this whole blog entry has just been a very brief glimpse into what's going on in my head without me actually coming out and saying it. I just wanted to do something while I was busy thinking so I wrote this. I don't know if it makes much sense but it was a good diversion.

Now excuse me while I go to sleep, wake up, go to work, go to a birthday party, go to sleep, go to work, go to small group, go to sleep, go to work, do some renos, go to sleep, go to work, show a suite, go to sleep, play 4 softball games, go to sleep, go to church, play some volleyball, go to sleep, go to work, go play softball, go to youth group, go to sleep, go to work, go to....   You get the idea.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Death By Water Slide

When I was in grade one our class went to the water slides. It was a big year end wrap up party. I had never been to the water slides before. They were big and impressive, especially to the little 6 year old version of me. Especially because I couldn't swim. I spent most of the day in the shallow end of the pool and the hot tub. I avoided the deep end of the swimming pool, but most importantly, I avoided the water slides. I didn't know how deep the water was but I was certain that it was deeper than I was tall. If I went on the water slides I would die. I knew that for sure.

Somehow, while I sitting in the hot tub, a couple friends managed to find me. It was time to go back to school soon and they wanted to ride the slides one more time. I didn't want to go, but the next thing I knew I was walking with them on the path to the water slides. How did that happen? The water slides loomed in front of me. I know this probably couldn't have happened in real life, but I'm relatively certain the water slides grew taller as we approached. I began to walk slower, but I couldn't stop. I was caught in the gravity inducing pull of the slides now. There was no going back. I was walking towards my death, or so I thought.

My feet got heavier as I began walking up the ramp. My legs started shaking. I started counting my steps. Maybe if I took long enough we'd have to leave before I made it to the top. Maybe. Why is so hot out? Why is the ramp so cold? Oh, its wet. That's why. Why are these other kids racing to the top? Are they crazy? If I hocked a loogie from the top how long would it take to hit the ground? Did it just get hotter out? How did I get to the top so soon?

The line moved slowly, but not slow enough. I dutifully ambled towards my demise. Death by water slide. I am not sure why I didn't just turned around and go back. I knew it was an option. Maybe it was peer pressure or the fear of being made fun of. In my undeveloped, six year old mind, death was preferable to the fate of being known as the kid who was scared to go on the water slide. Suddenly, I was next.

The "life guard" had me wait at the top for a couple seconds. Maybe it was so I could say my last words, think back on my short life, or beg for a reprieve. Too late. He waved me through. And I jumped to my doom. The ride down the slide was not what I thought it would be. It was fast. It was wet. There were a lot of turns and drops. I couldn't say I enjoyed it at the time, but I could understand how other people might. Perhaps if I wasn't contemplating the after life I may have found it a little more fun in the present.

I started formulating my survival plan. I knew if the slide launched me into the deep pool that waited for me at the bottom I was going to drown for sure. My best chance to live was to grab on to the edge of the pool immediately after I hit the water. I could hold on to the edge and pull myself out no matter how deep the pool was. But it was not to be. The current launched me into the deep. I didn't have a chance. So I stood up. And walked out of the water. Wow. I was alive! That was awesome! I was immortal! I couldn't believe I had avoided that slide for most of the day when I could have been riding it all along.

The preceding was a true story, as I remember it anyway. It's a reasonable allegory for my life. I've hopped on so many "water slides" over the last 3 years. My life is a veritable water park. There's still a lot slides left to conquer. I've tried a few baby versions of the big ones. I may as well slay the giants. I know that I'm not going to die now, no matter how it feels at the time. Look out water park. This immortal is back and those slides aren't so imposing any more.

Monday, June 24, 2013


Seriously, what is it with women and shoes?

I will never understand, but I can observe. There's the old adage that babies and puppies attract women. That may be true. I can't say for sure, seeing as I don't have either, but women seem to be far more attracted to shoes than the other two combined. After receiving yet another compliment from a single women on my choice of shoes I have decided to use my power of the shoe carefully. With great power comes great responsibility.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Who Reads My Thoughts

Pageviews by Countries

Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers
United States
United Kingdom
New Zealand

Pageviews by Browsers

Internet Explorer
3629 (48%)
1703 (22%)
1277 (16%)
578 (7%)
250 (3%)
Mobile Safari
72 (<1%)
8 (<1%)
8 (<1%)
8 (<1%)
6 (<1%)
Image displaying most popular browsers

Pageviews by Operating Systems

5625 (74%)
1351 (17%)
Other Unix
175 (2%)
161 (2%)
145 (1%)
76 (1%)
15 (<1%)
11 (<1%)
Nintendo Wii
3 (<1%)
Windows NT 6.1
3 (<1%)
Image displaying most popular platforms