I had an experience in CBC (Covenant Bible College) that I would describe as an encounter with God. I haven't really shared it with too many people, but now I figure why not share it with everyone. At CBC there was a tiny prayer room above one of the entrances to the gym. It was accessed by one narrow stairway that seemed out of place. The room was lined with curtains and an alter and somewhat moody lighting. It was how I imagined the Holy of Holies must have felt like in the Temple. One morning, after a lot of ups and downs, I was feeling frustrated. I didn't like how my life seemed to be progressing. I went to the prayer room to meet with God. It wasn't going to be a pleasant meeting either. I was mad at God. I had come to CBC because I really did feel God calling me and yet my experience was not what I thought it was going to be. I was lonely. I just didn't seem to be able to make the type of friends I had back in youth group. I felt different. I felt awkward. Everyone else seemed to have it all together and I was a mess. God seemed distant to me and I blamed Him. I guess I was going to the prayer room to have it out with God. But something happened that I didn't really expect. God met with me. It's always hard to describe something indescribable, but I will try. It's as though the room was filled with power. I felt weighed down. I felt like I had to lay on the floor, almost as though I didn't have the strength to stay standing. And I stayed there. There were some words and some tears. I didn't notice how much time had passed. I missed breakfast, and worship, and all my morning classes, and lunch. Slowly the Presence faded and I literally stumbled back down the stairs sometime in the afternoon. I wasn't quite sure what happened.
Across the hall from the stairs was KB's office. She is an amazing Godly woman. I crawled into her office and we talked. It was good. I still don't know what to make of that experience but I left the prayer room with a deep desire to search after God. The way I described it to KB was a hunger for God that I couldn't satisfy any other way but to consume God. Now I was exhausted and physically hungry by this time but it almost felt like God was using that as a metaphor for this spiritual hunger I felt. I remember never wanting to lose this spiritual hunger.
However, after returning home from CBC and moving to Saskatoon to go to the UofS, I did lose it. It was my own fault. I did not maintain any semblance of my spiritual life when I started attending University. My focus was on school and grades and getting into medicine and I neglected God. But that feeling of hunger was always present in the background. That feeling has been returning these last few months. I am more hungry now than I have been in quite a while. I still have other concerns and desires. Life isn't perfect but I have decided to seek God first, delight myself in the Lord and trust Him always.
Hungry I come to You, for I know You satisfy. I am empty but I know Your Love does not run dry.
Hungry I come to You, for I know You satisfy. I am empty but I know Your Love does not run dry.
This is the beginning of something new. Life is great and confusing.
3 comments:
I know what you mean in some points. There was a couple of times that I had this feeling of having to do something.
The one time at CBC that we did an evening of worship where there was some music stands set up around the room with music on it so we could play with the band if we wanted. So there was a labyrinth set up and after near the end I went to the labyrinth and instead of walking it, I was to crawl through it and stop every so often which I did. When I made it to the end, I laid their prostrate and some tears came. After everything was done, we were cleaning up a bit after worship, I got and Brian Frable asked what was wrong and I the tears came because I couldn't hold them back. He prayed for me and then started a weekly talk time which was great.
The second time I felt something was when we went on a retreat to Kings Way (if I remember the name correctly) which was in the winter. I walked this path stopping at each point and reading each thing along the way. When I came to the end I came to a bunch of crosses. I fell to my knees just in awe of being in the presence of the cross and the surroundings. But something knocked me over and I fell face first into the snow. I got up and thought: "did that just happen?" It was surreal and after a while I realized that God had knocked me over. Surreal experience.
I do understand about going back into a funk with my faith. When I was working at GC Teleservices, my faith suffered and I'm trying to work on it. But it's a slow process.
Thanks for sharing Chris.
Yes, faith is a process. I'm glad I am progressing. I'll pray for you.
Thanks Clinton!
Post a Comment