Longing

There's something going on in my life right now and I am not sure what it is.  It feels like the supernatural and natural are colliding.  Collisions tend to be messy.  I feel a longing for something more.  It's a very deep and all consuming longing.  I just don't know what can satisfy this appetite.  God?  Relationships?  Church?  Humbleness?  I feel that hunger again.  So hungry.  I want something so much and I'm not really sure what that something is.  I've been looking for it for many months now and the longing seems to be getting stronger.

I had a plan, kind of, back in September or October.  First, I wanted to grow closer to God.  I thought that as my relationship with God began to develop I could work on other things.  Secondly, I wanted to develop some honest deep relationships with Christian friends.  Finally, I hoped that if these things would work out I wanted to start a special relationship with someone special.  That did not happen as I planned.  Everything seemed to start all at the same time in spurts, and then stops, retreats, and more spurts.  It's left me all feeling a little overwhelmed.  And still that longing I feel doesn't seem to be satisfied.

I'm searching for a place I feel I "fit" in life.  I have never really felt I fit anywhere, even at the best of times.  I think I am longing for the place in life I belong.  I have been looking everywhere and it has left me tired and somewhat confused because I still don't think I have found that fit yet.

It must be so wonderful to be content with life and God and relationships.  Some day I hope I will know what it feels like, but right now I am still longing.