What Do I Really Want?

A couple weeks ago at church a sermon was given that really spoke to me.
It felt like Jesus was asking me, directly, "What do you want?"
I find it so hard to ask for what I really want.  I feel so selfish.

(Let me briefly explain why.  Shortly after graduating I went on a missions trip to the Ukraine.  Kiev was a mostly modern city and if that's all  you see of the Ukraine you'd think people were doing quite well.  However, outside the major city the countryside was filled with poverty.  People had so little and yet they shared so much with us.  It impacted me more than I think I will ever know.  There was also a spiritual hunger there that amazed me.  It was so different than the culture I grew up in.  It changed me.  When I came back to Canada I was so overwhelmed by the stuff we had.  It literally made me sick.  To this day I fight the materialistic urges that try to overcome us in North America because I know what others survive with on a daily basis and I know I don't need all the things I want.  Even praying for non-material things seems so selfish when I know how much better off my life is than most of the world.  I can't justify owning everything I do while knowing people in the world can barely afford to feed their families.  It's heart breaking.  I would recommend reading the book Rich Christians in a World of Hunger.)

So what do I want?  What do I really want?  What is at the core of my being?  What is it that makes me, me?  What desire has God placed in me that I really need to fulfill?

That is such a deep and loaded question.  What do I really want?  As usual, I came across something on facebook that has caused me to seriously try and answer that question.  I'm filtering out all the materialistic things like a new guitar or a double attached garage.  The things I really want are much more important.

My prayer:

I want to pray more.  With more understanding.  With more passion.  With more guidance from God.
I want to worship more freely.  And I thank God that this is slowly taking place.
I want to be used by God to lead others to a saving knowledge of Jesus.
I want to be able to give $ away to missions, missionaries and people who need it more than I do.
I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in all areas of life
I want to be used by God to bring healing and miracles to others
I want to be me at all times
I want to have deep and real relationships that fill me up and build up those I'm in relationship with
I want to love people more
I want a deeper knowledge of God's word
I want my family to be closer
I want to work with youth again
I want the joy of the Lord to be my strength
I want to marry a woman of God, who is passionate for God, who challenges me and supports me and loves me and for whom I can do the same

I don't want to settle!

Lord, I've prayed vaguely in the past to help me serve You, and know Your heart and do Your will.  This time I'm praying a little more specifically.  I thank you that you do answer prayer.  I'm nervous because I don't know how all of this will be answered.  I'm nervous because I feel like I'm just starting out in life and an answer to these prayers may shuffle the deck I've just started to stack.  But God, I do trust You.  Please use me as You have planned.  Amen.