Why I Rarely Say I Love You

I am reminded of a joke I heard years and years ago when I was 7 or 8.  For some reason I still remember it.  It is probably more a commentary on the differences between men and women than what I'm writing about but I thought, hey, I may as well open with a joke.

A wife was talking to her husband about their relationship. "You never say you love me," she complained.
The husband paused for a second and replied, "Honey, I told you on our wedding day I loved you.  If anything changes, I'll let you know."

Ba Doom, Ching.

I don't speak a lot.  It's not that I have nothing to say, it's that words are important to me.  They represent thoughts which represent a piece of who I am.

I'm not really good at small talk.  To me it's like throwing away words which is like prostituting a part of who I am.  Maybe that's a little too extreme.  I guess there is a time for small talk and goofing around.  There have been times where I have enjoyed them, but those are few and far between.  It usually takes me a long time to be comfortable enough around people to enjoy those things.

I have a little confession to make.  I hate those meet and greet times churches do during the service.  I know, I'm a horrible person.  It just feels so superficial.  Everyone has their Sunday best smiles on.  "Hi, how are you?"  "Fine.  Good morning."  "Hello,"  "Hi."  Maybe there's more depth to these exchanges than I realize.  To me though it all feels like throw away sentences.  I'd rather talk to one person for a couple minutes than 20 people for 10 seconds each. When I ask how someone is doing I am sincere.  If it is going badly, I want to know.  If it takes an hour to reply, I have the time to hear about it.

When I say something I mean it.

That's why I rarely say, "I love you."  That probably sounds wrong.  I don't mean I don't love anyone, I simply don't throw that word around because I don't want to devalue it.  It means a lot to me and I don't want it to lose its meaning.  I don't want it to become a throw away word like all the "hi"s and "hello"s passed around during meet and greet.  When I say it I meant it. The last person I told I loved was my dad.  That was 8 years ago.  That's messed up.  Maybe I should spread it around a little more.  I do love people.  I love my family and I suppose I even love my friends.

So, if I have ever told you I loved you, I meant it.  You are probably one of the very few people I have ever said it to.