At first glance it would seem as though these books are rather sexist and outdated in today's post modern society. The "man" presented in these books is more knight in shining armor than metro-sexual. However, I have gleaned a lot of information indirectly from a lot of females in my life and they seem to agree with these books. That surprises me because these women are strong, direct, independent and career oriented. They are not 50's style house wife women, and yet when they casually mention what they want in a guy, it is definitely the old school Marlborough man they are describing. Here's what I've pieced together from the bits and pieces I've been able to glean from these women.
These women want a man who is rough around the edges but tender inside.
They want a man who is strong, physically.
They want a man who can protect them.
They want a man who is confident.
They want a man who is a gentleman.
They want a man who is a provider (even if they don't need him to provide).
They want a man who is taller, bigger, stronger than they are.
They want a man who gets angry at things that need someone to get angry at.
They want a man who is not scared to get dirty.
They want a man who can fix things.
They want a man who shares his feelings and emotions.
They want a man who is an adventurer.
They want a man who treats them like a treasure.
Am I those things? Some of them. Can I do those things? Some of them. Are those things really what a man is, or just a cultural creation that women have been taught to want? Anyone out there want to offer comments?
Back to the main question, what is a man? Well, according to the books, a man is exactly what those women say they want. And a Christian man is all those things plus someone who lives out his Christian life in the real world, not a wimpy clandestine Christian. And that's about it so far.
Now, my question for me is, how do I become a man? What do I do? Is it something that one grows into, or is there a 12 step program I can enroll in? I'll do whatever it takes. Seriously.
Um, prayer time I guess. Lord, please help me become the man You have created me to be. Thank You. Amen.
3 comments:
Oh man (no pun intended), thank you for asking!
I do agree that there are human qualities that are tended to be seen as representing more 'masculine' or 'feminine' aspects of our humanity and that, on average, men seem to have more 'masculine' qualities and women to have more 'feminine' qualities.
That said, every individual is different and sometimes a male is more 'feminine' and vice versa. Nothing wrong with that! Both masculine and feminine qualities are important to cultivate in ourselves in order to become a more whole and integrated person.
The perspectives of those books contain some truth but they can also be very damaging because they leave so many other significant pieces out of the puzzle. They simply do not reflect the breadth and depth of the vast amount of psychological, sociological, anthropological and spiritual knowledge available.
Having a conversation in the comments is limited but this is definitely an area I've come to see in a very different way that has been incredibly more freeing and encouraging then what is advocated in perspectives like those found in the books you mentioned. So if it's a conversation you want to continue in another form, let me know! :)
Hey Matt,
First, I am still working on a reply to your email from a month ago. I've just been really busy.
Second, I like correspondence through writing because it gives me time to think through what I am saying, or hearing. I would like to continue to talk about this "man" thing but instead of doing it through email would you mind doing it in the comments section? That way if anyone is reading they can see our correspondence? If it turns into an interesting discussion I may just post it all as a blog entry.
Ah, I just got back to checking here, haha. Yes, I shall write some more thoughts soon...
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