My Arrested Development

I had a cat growing up.  My cat was abandoned by its mother when he was very young.  I also had a dog.  She did not have any pups.  My dog helped raise my cat.  My cat grew up thinking it was a dog.  It never learned to meow like a cat.  It had a grrr, a little like a dog's growl.  Casper learned to fetch and wrestle like a dog.  He never was a normal cat.

I didn't hang out with a lot of people (friends) growing up.  I didn't really spend a lot of time with my dad either.  Few friends, few men in my life.  So, when I grew up, I didn't really grow up like other guys my age did.  I never felt like a normal man.

All through school I was not as socially developed as most of my friends and fellow students.  I didn't go through all those coming of age events like the first girlfriend, first kiss, buying my first (beater) car, unchaperoned party, etc...  I was about as socially developed as a 13 year old by the time I graduated.  After I graduated most of my friends moved on to university while I stayed home, got a job, and helped with our church youth group.  Basically, I stopped hanging around with people my own age and worked with Junior and Senior High youth.  I worked in youth ministry for a couple years after that with the same age group.  When I was 24 I went to CBC, where the majority of my classmates were 18 to 19 years old.  After CBC I went to the UofS and started a bachelor's degree.  The majority of the people in my classes were just out of high school so, once again, I was surrounded with 18 to 19 year olds.  After the UofS I decided to get my Commercial Pilot's licence and went back to school, again. And wouldn't you know it, the majority of my fellow pilots were 18 to 19 years old.  Once I had my licence I moved to northern Canada where my life has pretty much been on hold for the last 5 years. For the last decade I have been immersed in the world of the late teen / early 20 something. And that is the story of my arrested development.  I said early on in this blog that I felt like a 22 year old trapped in a 30 year old's body.  Well, that is still true today.

Over the last 5 years, while my life has been on pause, I have watched people I know grow up, almost like stop motion photography.  It is crazy.  The "kids" I worked with are now married and having kids of their own. When did this happen?  My colleagues talk about RRSPs and the PTA and TSFAs and I want to talk about movies, video games and concerts.  I guess I'm a late bloomer.

Sometimes I feel like I've gotten to the game about 10 years too late.  I am trying to figure out what it means to be an adult, and to be a man.  What I know for sure is that being a man is more than being an adult male.  It's more than having a car, a house, a wife, children and a moustache.  I still feel like a kid but I am making a conscious effort to grow into a man.  If only I knew what that was.