Monday, April 23, 2012

Icebergs

Icebergs are awesome. They look so beautiful and they make great metaphors.

My blog is an iceberg. My life is an iceberg. This iceberg is an iceberg.



Ok, that last one wasn't really a metaphor.

They say that 90% of an iceberg is below the surface of the water.

My blog is kind of like that too. What you can see is only a small percentage of who I am. Whenever I find out someone I know has found this blog and started reading it I usually think to myself, "Great. This will be a good way for them to get a chance to understand who I am." About 10 minutes later that is followed with, "Oh, crud! What have I done? If they read this blog they're going to think I'm nuts." And that is because I realize that even though I am completely open and honest on this blog, there is still a lot of me that is not visible. If one thinks I am only what they are reading on my blog (and only knows me through this blog) they are missing everything below the surface. The other thing that may happen is that the reader fills in the blanks and imagines what the rest of me is like. I sometimes worry that their imagination paints the picture they want to see, which is not necessarily who I am. There are aspects of myself that I don't know have ever appeared on this blog. If you've ever seen me play dodge ball against a group of junior highers you'd know there is definitely more to me than what you've seen here. Anyway, just keep that in mind as you read. This blog is an iceberg.

Now on to the main metaphor. Early on in this blog, for the first six months or so, I used the metaphor of a mask to explain who I was, or what my life was like. The mask was the front I put on to interact with the world. It was to protect me from getting hurt but it was really just a barrier that kept me from living the life I believe God intended for me. The mask was an appropriate metaphor earlier on. But for the last year or so I think that metaphor has been obsolete. The new and more accurate metaphor is the iceberg. I am the iceberg. My new goal isn't to remove any masks. They've been thrown out a long time ago. My new goal is to be me more. The tip of the iceberg is the part I allow others to see. But there's more of me under there that I want to bring to the surface. Slowly. Cautiously. But purposefully. I am sure there is a limit to how much of me could or should surface. I don't think we can be 100% vulnerable to everyone all the time, but I do think there is something to be said for a genuine life lived as a witness for others. And hopefully there are a select few who see more of the iceberg than the rest, intentionally. Anyway, I'm still growing as a person, learning to trust, learning to relate and all that other good stuff.

The iceberg rises.

4 comments:

Tracey said...

This is a really good metaphor. I know I only let people see so much or they think they know me and as I trust them or build relationships with them. They actually start to know me:)

Clinton said...

Thanks Tracey.
Welcome to the blog.

Matthew said...

I like a good metaphor. And I like icebergs.

I think you're right that it's not necessarily appropriate or beneficial to express every aspect of ourselves to everyone all the time. Part of the question is what part(s) of ourselves do we want to bring forth into the world more consciously?

And your comment about junior high dodgeball sparked many fond memories of our handball days...good times.

Clinton said...

I miss hand ball. No mercy.

I am trying to figure out what parts of me to consciously share with different people and the world in general. This blog has kinda been a written documentation of my journey thus far. I've known people (virtual strangers) who have shared the most intimate parts of their life with me and it has made me feel super awkward. We didn't really have a relationship and so all the "intimacy" shared had no frame of reference in which to be processed. I don't think that's a healthy way of sharing. I tend to go the other way and develop a relationship over a very long term before I dare share any of myself. This blog has slowly changed that, for the better. I guess the person I am when no one else is around is the person I want to share with everyone. That is the essential me. However, there is the deeper me, the parts of me wrapped in feeling and emotion I want to share with the people in my life who have made the decision to be a part of my life. Where there is intention, I want to be intentional.

I'm glad you asked because it allows me to put words to the urges I feel inside.