Crazy Week

Dear Diary,

This has been a crazy week. Crazy for lots of reasons. It feels like I've been running a marathon, fell off a cliff, and then got up to finish the marathon. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted, in a good way. A way that feels like I'm growing and developing as a person. It's like exercise for the soul.

Lets see. The first thing I want to mention is actually kind of hard for me to say. I have only told a few people and there's more I want to tell in person. I have started going to a different church. For the first time in my life, ever, I have actually decided which church I will attend. That was a very tough decision for me. I had been at my previous church, for almost 7 years. As I read through my blog I found an entry back in January of last year where I mentioned I was trying to find where I fit, and I was actively trying to find the church for me. Well, 15 months later I have finally made my decision. It was very difficult for me to do. I have been in the same denomination since I was born and now I am going elsewhere. I am a very loyal guy and this decision was not an easy one for me to make. Whew! Exhale. I want to be clear and say my previous church was great. I am not leaving because I am disappointed with something or someone. It just feels like I have a purpose at my new church and I feel like I fit. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that.

My small group has gone through a few changes over the last week or two. People have come and gone. We are slowly figuring out who we are. I like what seemed to be taking shape this last week. It also feels good. We still need to figure things out but I think we're going in the right direction.

And Tuesday was the cliff, in a good way. I did something I haven't done since I was 11 years old. Something that kinda scarred me for life, up to this point. I danced. With a girl. And we held hands. And it was good. I had fun. After the dance lesson ended we continued on even though the rest of the students dispersed. I was mentally drained at this point. Then myself and two friends stayed up until 1 or 2 in the morning sharing a little bit of who we are with each other. We laughed a lot. We may have teared up a little bit too. I think we exposed a little bit of ourselves and made ourselves vulnerable to each other, and it was also good. I had a lot to think about after that night. There were thoughts verbalized that I didn't even know were ruminating around in my head. I'm sure I could write quite a few posts based on what came out of that night.

And C&C kicked my butt in a good way again. The message was spot on. I pray that it won't be lost on me  in a few weeks as the message fades. I'm glade I take notes. The next step is to put the word into action. It also dawned on me that many people at C&C the last few weeks are going to be gone for the summer now. It didn't click with me then but now I'm feeling a little sad knowing it will be 4 months before I see many of them again.

And another woman from church offered to set me up on a blind date with her friend. Seriously. I guess I am flattered, and somewhat confused. I politely declined the offer.

And there has been some other (positive and meaningful) emotional interactions going on this last week as well.

So, here I am now. I am trying not to censure myself. It's just that over the last week or so quite a few people in my life have discovered this blog. It makes me feel a little vulnerable sometimes. That's when I start second guessing myself and questioning how much of me to reveal in this place. As my life blooms, more and more people become a part of it. I can't write about my life without somehow making reference to the people in it. I want to keep them anonymous for the most part, but at the same time others in my life will definitely know who I am referring to. I'll try to work that out and I'll definitely try to stay true to my mission statement, to allow you, the reader, to know me a little better.

It feels like this last week has signaled the beginning of a new phase in my life. The phase I was hinting about for a couple months now has begun. I am excited and a little nervous, but God is good and that is good enough for now.