Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Broken Back Reovery: Two Years Later
Two years after my accident and after my surgery. Life is mostly back to normal, although I still only have the use of about 10% of my calf muscles. This means I still don't walk normally, can't quite run, jump, skip or lean forward without falling over. I've started accepting this as normal now but I can still clearly remember being able to do those things before. It still hasn't dawned on me that things like soccer, volleyball, or snowboarding are probably never going to be a regular thing in my life again. It's like grieving a piece of your life, I just haven't accepted that those things are gone. Most of the time I feel like I did before the accident. But there are small reminders, like going down stairs or walking in a crowd, that bring me back to this new reality. My feet still burn. But the cramps I used to get when activating my calves have gone away completely. Is this good or bad? I don't know. Will my situation be different in another year? I don't know. I don't think so but I will write about any future improvement to give hope to anyone else out there going through the same thing. I find I occasionally have dreams where I can jump. The shock of being normal is usually enough to wake me up. My excitement fades though as I roll out of bed only to discover that it was only a dream. My injury was only millimeters away from allowing me to recover completely, but it was also millimeters away from me being in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. Given the alternative, I'll gladly accept my new fate, but I still miss my old body. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that for the majority of my life I'm disabled and unable to do all the active things in life I used to. It's not easy.