Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Blur

Dear Diary,

The last few weeks have gone by so quickly. It has been a blur.
Here's what happened in no particular order.

My vacation request for the C&C snowboard trip was declined by work. I was extremely unhappy about this. The trip last year was a big part of my growth as a person. It forced me to get out of my groove and go outside my comfortable zone of social interactions. It really was a large focus for me for several months of my life. I was hoping I would get to go again this year but work is too busy and too understaffed at the moment. I was definitely disappointed.

Immediately after I learned I wouldn't be going on the snowboard trip though, I found out there was a youth retreat over the weekend. I went. It was awesome. It really did put me in a positive mood after the whole vacation request denial thing. It allowed me to get to know some of the guys, and girls, a little better. If work was not an issue I would be much more involved with the youth. In some ways it makes me sad that I am so infrequently involved. There's a little disappointment in my heart every time I miss a youth event, but this weekend was good. I would have no problem devoting my life to the growth and development of teens. I only wish I could do more.

I was scheduled to help with worship on Thursday. I have said before that worship is important to me, and when I am involved in leading I make very certain that I am ready. Unfortunately work has interfered with C&C so often, especially when I am part of a worship team, I can't always commit. So, I took a vacation day. I had all day off to practice. By Thursday night I knew every song, forward and backwards, lead, rhythm, bass, and I'm pretty sure I could have sat in on drums if required. I have to say though, when we practiced that night I was disappointed. It seemed as though most people were just phoning it in. It seemed obvious to me some people had not even practiced the songs or listened to the audio that was emailed out before we gathered. I didn't like the lack of effort many of the talented and capable musicians put in for that night. And we sounded bad. I was a little discouraged because I took the day off just to be there and it felt like others were just taking for granted the awesome privilege of leading others in worship. I hope next time we put our hearts and minds into it.

On Friday the C&Cers played dodge ball against the senior high youth group. That was great. I am still a little sore. Officially the youth group won, but I still contend they had way more participants so I'm calling it a draw. After the games there was a dessert and discussion time but, I need to confess, I got a little freaked out with all the new people there and left before it began. The social interaction thing with new people was just a bit too much for me that night.

On Sunday our small group did a brunch and then went to Ebenezzer. That's not my normal church. I have been there a few times before. This time it amazed me how many people I knew or recognized. I didn't know I know so many people. It was good. I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I did on Friday. After the service I went out to Bonanza with TM, MH, and TJ. I discovered the art of timing the buffet to include both brunch and lunch meal items. Also, plates hold way more ice cream than bowls do. After the feeding frenzy we went and watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. It was good. They sure don't make movies like that anymore. And after that I went to a Superbowl party. I was a little nervous. Most of the people there were people I know a little bit, but not well. I went mostly to put myself in another social situation, and hopefully to get to know a few people a little bit better. It was more my size and I had a good time. And I did get to talk socially with a few people I don't always interact with and it was good.

And that was my life the last two weeks. That and work. Lots of work.

2 comments:

Matthew said...

Here's what really struck me:

"I would have no problem devoting my life to the growth and development of teens."

Why don't you do that? It seems like something you're really passionate about and feel inspired to do. I don't know what you should do but from following your thoughts in this space it seems like that would be something much more fulfilling for you and also an area where you could offer so much to others.

I'd like to hear your thought:)

Clinton said...

Actually, here's a confession.

During times of frustration I have contemplated quitting work so I can work with youth more.

However, that is an idealistic solution that may not be best for the real world.

The reality is I like my job. It's my schedule that frustrates me. However, if my work could be scheduled to have my regular youth nights off as well as Sundays I would be able to do both. In a year or two that just may be the case. Quitting now would simply be a psuedo-solution that could create other issues down the road. Impetuousness rarely serves anyone in the long run.

There are about 20 other volunteers that work with the youth. Of those 20, I would say about 10 feel the same way. There is only one person on staff working in this area. If we were to all decide to leave our jobs to devote our lives to the youth, (from a cold hard economic view), we would end up homeless and hungry. The fact is our jobs pay the bills that allow us to volunteer. Even the Apostle Paul subsidized himself on the side.

I believe all ministry is relational and I don't believe it has to come about because I'm paid by an institution to do it. In fact, I would say volunteering is more effective. I guess I'm saying I'm not looking to become a paid ministerial staff member.

Another option would be to find another job that would allow for more flexibility to work with the youth. That is an option which I am considering, but it would there are other factors to consider for this job besides scheduling. $, satisfaction, time, etc. It would have to be an amazing job to pull me away from what I am doing now.

So, to answer your question, I am devoting my life to the growth and development of the youth, it's just that my job sometimes gets in the way (for now).