Sometimes I feel like Oskar Schindler, at the end of Schindler's List. As the war rages Oskar looks at his ring and his car and breaks down. For the cost of his car and his ring, he could have "bought" lives to save from the Nazis. Sometimes I feel like that. I have too much. When I look at my possessions and realize that the money I paid for them could have gone to save a life, I hurt. Now, I tend to be a minimalist and try to fight the materialism that is so rampant everywhere, but it's still there. How many times have I changed the channel when someone is asking for a dollar a day to save the life of a child? I am very aware of all the problems in the world and yet what have I done about it? Not much. This frustrates me so much. I know I close it out. Sometimes it feels like all the problems in the world are like a tidal wave bearing down on me. What can I possibly do to prevent any of it? I feel so helpless and useless. And I think my response, like most others, is to block it all out.
I'm scared to care. I'm scared to do anything. I feel like if I were to open myself up to even a tiny portion of these issues, the flood gates will open and I will be drowned in the pain of the world. And I know that's wrong. I get frustrated with stupid things I let steal my attention, like meeting new people, when I should be focusing on these other issues. I came across a note on facebook that said what I want to say much better than I can say it right now. It basically triggered me to write this entry. I just can't keep it inside anymore. I had to read it several times over to absorb it. If I can get permission, I'll quote it below sometime.
My answer is to go to God. And that's scarier than anything else because God may just reply. I am praying right now, "Lord, please use me. Equip me or do whatever you have to do to help me do your will. Help me help the world. Help me show Your love. Help me reflect Jesus in all I do. Help me care. Please. In Jesus name I ask this, amen."
Update: Here's the note
Courtesy of ASOur world is a mess.
Jesus, where are you?Why can't you still be here? On this earth. With us. As flesh and blood. You could heal and help and love. Come, Jesus, come.
Tragedy. Cancer slowly defeats so many. Health problems take over our bodies. Mental states deteriorate. Diseases claim innocent lives. Death is so real.Jesus, where are you? Why can't you be here?
Suffering. Loneliness overwhelms lost souls. Hopelessness feeds grief. Broken hearts depend on anti-depressants. Women hate themselves because of abuse; hate is all they know. Pain suffocates children before they know what hit them. Anger causes unthinkable actions. Countries are at war. Peers are at war. Alcohol, drugs, sex, darkness, is what we turn to for fulfillment. Created things are worshiped more passionately than their Creator. Sin is a game. Evil is something to delight in. Judgment for the sinners...by other sinners. The wronged are merciless.Jesus, where are you? Why can't you be here?
Desperation. Poverty consumes most of the world. A hungry man dies on the street corner while a family nearby throws out leftovers. A cold child freezes to death while the house across the road has two empty beds. The richest 20% of the world lives on 75% of the world's income. Every second child is bound by poverty. Natural disasters wipe out what is left of the poorest countries. It is not fair.Jesus, where are you? Why can't you be here?
Lies blind us. Fear paralyzes us. Pride deafens us. Comfortableness cripples us. Apathy misleads us. Judgment condemns us. Selfishness consumes us.Jesus, where are you? Why can't you be here?
I am. I am in you. Step up.My Spirit is with the Church. Step up.
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