Priorities

I know some people that can't prioritize. They have no sense of least and most important. Everything is urgent to them. Buying a loaf of bread, paying an overdue bill or attending a wedding are all on equal footing. Their life is hurried and chaotic. My life is becoming that way. I need to step back and set my priorities again.

I have let too many "priorities" into my life and only a couple of them are really important. I think I need to start eliminating some of the excess. I am definitely glad the home renos are in the past. But I have C&C and youth group and small group and my training routine and church and my rental properties and my actual job. They are all starting to crowd each other out and they are crowding out other things that I would like to be a part of my life.

Without hesitation, church and youth group are not negotiable. This weekend reaffirmed that for me. If my life is not in service to other people, it is not fulfilling the potential God has given me, and I would not feel like I am fulfilling my purpose. But everything else is up for consideration.

I can't say I've been "Happy" in a long time. I don't think "Happy"ness should be the compass for life. Emotions are fleeting, but they are a barometer that shouldn't be ignored completely. If someone were to ask me if I were happy the last year or so, I don't think I could answer. I haven't been depressed or anything either. I've been busy. That's it. Just busy. I don't like it when even free time and time with friends becomes another commitment I need to fit into my schedule. I haven't had a chance to slow down and smell the flowers, or even consider if smelling the flowers would make me happy. I've gone from one responsibility to another and I haven't had a lot of time for God, myself or others. I've been a robot, either by accident or intention, I haven't decided yet.

Honestly, this retreat has stirred some things up inside of me. The messages (even my own) and the experiences have broken me down on the inside a little bit. I am still working on making my faith my own, and I am still working on ways to serve others. I really care about these kids and I haven't been able to be as committed as I would have liked, even with my better work schedule. It hurts me to get a brief glimpse inside their lives and then let it go because I have too many other things to do. In some ways, knowing that I have an impact in other people's lives, especially children, with my presence and my absence has triggered this urge to reprioritize.