Telephone Voice

I remember once when I was younger my brother and I causing trouble. We were probably fighting or some other thing brothers do. Dad caught us and stared yelling at us. Suddenly the phone rang and interrupted our Mexican Stand Off. Dad continued to yell at as he walked to the phone and answered it. Instantly his voice changed from his "I'm angry and I'm yelling at you," voice to his "telephone" voice.

You know the "telephone voice" you use on the telephone? Be honest. You do. It's that almost too happy, agreeable, joyous, cookie cutter, customer service voice we all have when we answer the phone.

I found dad's instant transformation from Harbinger of Doom to Barney the Dinosaur hilarious. I'm not really sure what happened after the phone call but I do remember whatever the situation was before, it ended after the phone call because I was so busy laughing everything took care of itself. It's hard to punish a kids who's rolling on the floor in fits of laughter.

Anyway, the reason I tell this story is to illustrate the principle of "telephone voice". It's some sort of socially acceptable front we put on for the world to see that doesn't necessarily reflect the truth of what's happening deep down inside.  I have a "telephone voice." I also have a "public personality". That's the same principle as "telephone voice" except it's the me I put on to show the world. I usually default into this person when I'm around strangers. Once I feel comfortable enough around someone, I slowly drop the act. Very slowly. And it takes me a long time before I feel comfortable enough around someone to reach that point. I've written previously about wearing masks and about letting my true self rise to the surface like a submerged iceberg rising in the water. It's still an ongoing process. It's interesting to me because there are people I've known for a couple years that I am just now allowing to see the real me. It's been a long process. I've thought a lot about why I have taken so long to truly be me. I think in some ways I'm still cautious about exposing the real me and being rejected. Even still I don't know why it takes me so long to reach this point. In the previous post I wrote about my time at bible college where I just gave up on the "telephone voice" and started being myself, regardless of the perceived consequences I thought I would encounter. And it all turned out well.

This is a meandering and convoluted post, I know. What triggered it was my decision to just be myself. It's too exhausting being someone I'm not. Last night I hung out with a few people from C&C who I did not know at all. That would have traditionally been a prime situation for me to go into "telephone voice" mode. But I didn't. I was me. Intentionally. With effort. I was myself. And it was good. Why should I think it would be anything else? Any way, this was a lot of words just to say I'm actively working at being my true self, who I really am, in all situations, regardless of how I "feel" at the time. I'm not going to go around sharing the most intimate parts of who I am, but I am not going to hide my essence either. I'm just going to be me and see where the chips lie.

Once again, life gets a little more real. I think this will be a good thing.