(Here's another post on the fly.)
My constant prayer, always in the back of my mind, no matter what, is that God would continue to work in my life, make me the man of God I was created to be, line up my desires with His, and help me to do what I was meant to do. It is a sometimes scary prayer to pray. It is still my prayer. I honestly don't know how it will all come to pass. I'm not sure how God will work all these things out in my life. I believe there is a responsibility on my part to submit to God, but I also believe there is a responsibility to continue to seek God out, to continue to show God's love to others, to be a friend to those in need. I've heard it said that you can't steer a car that isn't moving. So, I am not entirely sure how God wants all this to play out but I know I need to keep growing closer to Him so he can direct me. I need to keep moving. Sometimes I am not sure how. Sometimes I wonder if God made a mistake, or I made a mistake. It's weird to be so confident and so doubtful at the same time. I believe, help my unbelief. I have felt the ebb and flow of God at certain times in my life and right now I am trying to figure out how He is moving in my life again. It's no secret that I have been distracted for a while. I need to take a break from my distraction. I need to rest in God. It's really difficult for me to do. I am a doer. (Maybe it's a guy thing. I tend to be more Martha than Mary. I think things are going to change for a little while.) I need to be a listener.
I have always struggled with understanding how this whole feeling thing works. I was not a really emotional kid growing up. I kept my feelings buried deep inside because I was afraid I would get hurt if they ever saw the light of day. But that is not what God wanted for me. My emotional distance really hindered most of my relationships growing up and it is still something I am learning to deal with now. And I think that has hindered how I tried to live out God's calling in my life. Maybe I'm just babbling now but I feel like there is another God thing about to happen in my life. It is scary. Another ebb or flow is taking place. I'm not sure what God is going to do in my life, but I pray I allow Him to do it.
Lord, please continue to work in my life. Please use my life to bless others. Please help me do what You have created me to do. Please help me be the man of God You have created me to be. Please help me share Your love. Please work through me. Please help me live out Your will in my life.