Rest

I am feeling good right now.  Restful.  There has been some anxiety and stress in my life because of how my life is being rearranged.  But right now I feel restful.  I feel like no matter what happens I can rest because I know Who holds my life in His hands.  I'm still somewhat confused and unsure of things but I trust God that things will be ok.

The last week has been a blur.  So many gatherings.  I've been invited to 2 different bible studies, and they are both great.  I've bought a new car.  I've been to a film festival.  I've been to C&C and the C&C prayer times. Snowboarding.  Studying for some major exams.  Church.  Work.   I went to a Gilmore girls party last night that went from 7pm to 2:30am.  I met with CI this morning to discuss this longing I've been working through.  It's been busy.  I am finally ready to slow down and just rest.  And it feels good.  And it feels right.

The party last night was good because it was another step towards me being myself.  I know it sounds strange to say that the Gilmore Girls party was an important step for me but it was.  No masks, just me being me.  A few times I got nervous that I would say something stupid or do something weird but everyone was accepting and that's really all I needed.  It was good to be with other people who were just being themselves.  And we ate a lot of junk food, and it was good too.

This morning CI and I got together and tried to put some words to the things I've been feeling.  It was also good.  When all was said and done, the thing I took away from this time was that I need to just submit to God.  That's all.  There may be things that I have been holding on to too tightly in my life.  I am going to release my grip and hold them with open hands.  They are now submitted to God.  Whatever happens in my life I want to live submitted to God.  Whether I buy a guitar or study for flight tests, it will be in submission to God.  That doesn't mean everything will always go perfectly, but there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.  If I'm living in submission and I make a mistake, Jesus is there to help me up and try again.  I am cool with that.  It feels like the burdens I place(d) on myself are lifting.  God's grace is working in my life.  It feels pretty good.  I am still somewhat confused.  I am still unsure of how the future will turn out.  But that's ok.  I am starting to feel at peace.

Another thought that popped up is how God guides.  There is a peace that passes understanding that acts as reassurance when we venture through life.  I have experienced it before and it is comforting to know that God can bring reassurance this way.  There is also the Damascus road method.  I haven't really experienced that in my life but I know God can just show up and say, "Hey, it's Me.  You really need to do this."  CI suggested another method of guidance to me that I never really thought of before.  If I trust God enough to ask Him to reveal His will to me, do I trust Him enough to reveal to me when/if I venture outside His will?  Yes, I do.  If that is the case then it is possible that sometimes no sign or direction really is a sign or direction.   It reminds me a bit of Homer Simpson's prayer, "Lord, if you wish me to ... please give me no sign whatsoever."  If I am truly living a life submitted to Jesus, and seeking Him daily I doubt I am going to find myself going drastically outside God's will.  I trust God to correct me if I make a mistake, so I trust Him enough to believe that the silence can also be confirmation.  I am mildly excited to start living this out and see where it takes me.

I hope I explained this clearly enough.  I just threw down some thoughts.
Now I'm going to rest.  And maybe watch another episode of Gilmore Girls.