Sunday, August 4, 2013

Big Decisions

I've got some big decisions coming up in the next few weeks.

My career is headed down 2 different directions at the moment. It's been a wild ride, but I have to make a decision which direction I want to go very soon. Both have advantages and disadvantages. One pays better. One offers a better schedule, mostly. Both may lead to promotions and increased pay, increased scheduling benefits, and a fulfilling career, but they are very different from each other.

For me, either job would be fulfilling. They are both challenging and productive. They make use of my skills and abilities. I feel like I am accomplishing something in both roles. And both sides of the company I work for are pulling for me to go their direction.

What is the deciding factor?
My family.
The family I don't actually have yet.

One job allows me to have a schedule so unchanging I will always be there for my family. I'd be free on weekends, on holidays, for birthdays, anniversaries, little league, special events, etc... The other gives me quite a bit of time off too, but not nearly so scheduled. Nothing that I could bank on. And it is prone to changing the day before. I don't want that for my family. I don't want to break my promises because "work" has changed its mind. I've made a lot of decisions the last 3 years to set my self up to be a husband and a father. A lot of those decisions involved choosing to earn less money so that I could be available to my wife and kids. The sad thing is, those things seem like a lifetime of impossibilities away right now. I'm putting myself in position for a position I may never have. And that's where the doubt and second guessing come in. Maybe I should choose what's behind door number 2 instead. Forget about the possibility of having a family some day, go earn as much money as possible and seek out the craziest adventures I can find. I do have that option. And yet, I'm hoping and praying for something more, and because I have faith, I am choosing something less to make room for some greater.

It is a really tough decision. But I think I always knew what I would decide, even before the options became available to me.

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