If It Was Meant To Be

or Sour Grapes and God's Will

More thoughts on the will of God.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "Well, if it was meant to be..." or "If it's God's will..."? I have. It's meant to be reassuring, usually to someone who is disappointed in what has just happened or uncertain of what will happen in the future. It is usually followed up the the ever popular, "Everything happens for a reason." What is implied is that everything that happens, whether desired or not, was going to happen anyway and it was God's will for those events to unfold as they did.

I have to say I whole-heartedly disagree that everything that happens was meant to be. Meaning implies concious application of value by a sentient being. In the whole scheme of existence only true meaning can be applied by God. Only those that believe in some sort of God can use the "If it was meant to be," without falling into paradox. However, to say something was meant to be is to say that things happened a certain way because it was God's will.

Either the sayer of such things doesn't believe it and is simply lying to offer comfort or support to the hearer (see my Ugly Babies post) or they believe it and are spreading a lie they think is the truth.

Let me tell you a story. Actually let Aesop tell you a story.

Pleasures are dear and difficult to get.

Feasting the eye, fat grapes hung in the arbour,

That the fox could not reach, for all his labour,

And leaving them declared, they're not ripe yet.

The Fox couldn't get the grapes he wanted so he consoles himself by saying the grapes are sour. Even if he could get them he wouldn't want to. It's similar to the "meant to be" meme. If he could have got the grapes he would never have told himself the lie, but the lie was hollow reassurance that even if he got his way, the result of not getting the grapes would be the same. In other words, "it was meant to be."

You didn't get that new promotion at work.
   I guess it wasn't meant to be.
   I guess it wasn't God's will for you.
   You probably wouldn't have liked the additional responsibilities.
   Those grapes were sour anyway.

Don't those excuses all sound the same? What I really don't like about the whole "If it was meant to be" thing is that it absolves us of responsibility and others of the consequences of their actions.

The fact is, everything does happen for a reason. That reason is not always because it was God's will for it to happen (or not happen). It is because of the actions of ourselves and others. The story of Creation is the story of God giving humankind free will and history is the result of that free will interacting with God.

I have heard the "If it was meant to be" and the "If it was God's will" used to explain away almost everything from starting/stopping a relationship, passing/failing a test, getting a job or not, and finding a parking spot. I am always careful to say I don't exclude God from inserting a miracle here and there or pulling some divine strings. I'm just saying perhaps you didn't pass your test because you didn't study hard enough, not because it wasn't God's will. Perhaps that parking spot became available by no other reason than co-incidence, not because it was meant to be. Perhaps you got the job because you were the most qualified, not because God was in there jury rigging the HR department.

My conclusion:

"If it was meant to be" and "It wasn't meant to be" are excuses to absolve people of the consequences of their actions and pass the blame or credit undeservedly on to God when God's will may not have been played out in a certain situation at all. Those phrases and those beliefs are an abdication of the authority and responsibility God has given us to live the lives He has given us.