Thinking

I am so busy.

Not counting sleep, I may spend one or two waking hours a day at home. I've got work. Volleyball. Softball. Youth group. Small Group. C&C. Church. Renos. About 10 people I know have decided to move in the last month (3 of them on the weekend) and I've been there to lend a hand. And then there's just the normal day to day things I need to do in between all that. I'm tired. And somehow this has caused me to think about what I really want in life. I've been sitting and thinking lately. As much thinking as I can cram into my "free" time any way. Being introspective. I can't say I've figured it all out, but I've figured out some things simply by crossing other things off the list. Some things I liked. Some things I didn't.

After living up north and never being home I discovered I don't like to be away from home for too long.
After signing up for softball I discovered I don't like being eaten by mosquitoes.
After joining a lot of different groups I've discovered I can make friends.
After renovating a house I've discovered the next one will be built from the ground up.
After growing dreadlocks I discovered prefer my hair short.
After working with youth groups I discovered I have more energy than most people my age and most people their age too.
After losing a lot of sleep I discovered I don't like to be tired.
After keeping my thoughts in a journal and a blog for so long I've discovered sometimes I just need someone to talk to.
After being the upfront guy I discovered I prefer to be the behind the scenes guy.
After being too busy to have time to think I have discovered I don't like to be this busy.

I think God created me to be introverted. I think I was created to be deep, and thinking, and introspective. Somehow I've become so busy I've lost a part of who I am. I can feel it. I've been thinking about the "who I am" I have discovered the last three years. I need me time. I haven't had that in almost a month. And I won't be able to get it again for about a month. I'm learning what is important to me and what isn't and learning to give my time to what is important. I don't think I'm being selfish when I say I think the things that are important to me are important to God because they are important to me. I also think the opposite is true. I think the things that are important to God are important to me because they are important to God.

And this whole blog entry has just been a very brief glimpse into what's going on in my head without me actually coming out and saying it. I just wanted to do something while I was busy thinking so I wrote this. I don't know if it makes much sense but it was a good diversion.

Now excuse me while I go to sleep, wake up, go to work, go to a birthday party, go to sleep, go to work, go to small group, go to sleep, go to work, do some renos, go to sleep, go to work, show a suite, go to sleep, play 4 softball games, go to sleep, go to church, play some volleyball, go to sleep, go to work, go play softball, go to youth group, go to sleep, go to work, go to....   You get the idea.